"you're feeling lonely because you have no one else around you and you're probably wishing you had your family or friends back home? But God draws people out and strands them, which leads to us relying on him when we have no one else. It's basic. Maybe when you feel lonely you should get into the word. You've been saying you haven't made time for it. Maybe that's an opening"
The reason that previous statement is in quotes is because it's not my words. They're God's words, God's words given to me by one of the biggest blessings in my life. (Side note, I suggest everyone find a best friend who will encourage you in your faith and share such wise thoughts with you.) Words that are so profound, yet she makes seem so simple. It's so obvious, but why did I never think of that on my own? I don't know why, but I'm beyond grateful that she did bring this to my attention. I was wallowing in self-pity up until this point. Of all the advice I have been given over the past few months, this may be the most influential, the one that will stick with me the most. It hit one of my biggest struggles right on the head. (Shoutout to you for being the real MVP).
God didn't abandon me, He didn't leave me out to dry, He didn't drop me into the middle of no where and say good luck. He did quite the opposite. He longs for time with me, He longs for time with all of us. But sometimes, we don't let Him have it. God doesn't need us, He wants us. He wants our thoughts and our prayers, our troubles, our joys, our triumphs and our grief. He wants it all. But how often do we offer it to Him? I know I don't offer it far enough. For the first two weeks of my time here, I spent less time with God than I did all summer. Which is ironic, in the worst way. I was using my "missionariness" as an excuse to dodge what God had to tell me. After two weeks of this, God was ready to have me back. So how did he do it? He let me feel lonely. He allowed me feel like I had no one there for me, that without my friends or family, I was alone. I don't think He wants me to hurt or to be in pain, but I needed a wake up call, something to draw me back to Him.
Our flesh tells us loneliness is because we have no one who wants us, but God uses it to tell us that He adores spending time with us. Our self-centered-ness tells us that it's us not having someone who cares about us but God tells us it's Him being madly in love with us. Our minds tell us that our loneliness is us being pushed away from everyone, but God uses it to push in the direction of our Creator. Loneliness does not mean we are alone. Loneliness means there is someone there who misses us, who wants us, but we are denying time with Him.
As much as I try to convince myself that I am actually lonely, I can't deny the truth that my loneliness isn't loneliness. It's the Holy Spirit in me telling me to stop denying and start running. Start running to Him, to the One who takes away all loneliness and pain and heartache. Stop avoiding and start confronting. Confront yourself about it, take it to God. I speak from recent personal experience when I say that the loneliness will be no more the minute we get into the word. It's a lot harder to be lonely when you're not actually alone, and now I realize that I'm never actually alone. I can try to tell myself that I am, but He's there, waiting. Waiting to give a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a lotta love and attention to give us.
How thankful am I for the loneliness I felt and the wise words of a loving friend. God has used both these things in ways that my mind will never be able to comprehend.
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